2 Edited Poems

Gary, 

Please note that the original versions are displayed first with your comments and the final edited versions are displayed at the end.

I am especially eager to hear your comments on "The Missing Brother" I wish to use that poem again and share it.

The Missing Brother

My sister and I stand before the house, dressed for Easter sunday, waiting for my father to check the light sensor on his ancient camera and focus the lens on our sunday best.  <strong, fantastic opening<

When my father looked through that lens he saw that something was missing. At the time it was taken, I didn't know what he didn't see.

When I grew older I learned of my missing brother. The one who was plucked from my parents before I could remember, though I was there on that day, in the car. The reflex of my father's heart to see a print of my sister and I, but miss in the photo the brown haired son.

Crash. The instant that changed My family's path and perspective, that instant, changed. The instant that Robbed us.  so many moments from my father that he cannot get back. Still there in the yard is the wood pile David helped build when he was 3 years old. <end here< Before he faded from the photographs.

Strong effort, Rich: well done.   Great format--poem looks great on the page.   Review my comments for direction.  Gary

***********************************************

This collection of d

Digital devices

Must be the brainchild of a devious man. <borrowing a title gives your first line a bit more strength
It has the power to control the room,  <"it" implies singular, but it refers to many "devices"  <this is a problem throughout, but an easy fix
to brings in focus what you want to see.
But why does it always attempt
to escape its duty?
Why hide among the cushions and the blankets  <yes
to avoid its purpose?
It has been cursed, more than anything else
in this house.
At each addition of a new toy,
I am saddled with yet another remote that hides.
It is a fickle, frustrating, and fruitless device;  <fun line
and I cannot wait for it to become a fossil of this our age.
<perhaps using what this is about (cell phone, ipad, Android?) as your title will fix the "it" issues throughout<

***********************************8

The Missing Brother

My father checks the light sensor on his ancient camera and focuses the lens on our Sunday best. My sister and I smile and wait for the click. The Easter Sunday pictures in front of the brown house trace our lives.

Every time my father looked through that lens he saw the empty space between us. I smiled and posed and I did not know what he missed in that moment. Click. The reflex of my father's heart sees a shot of my sister and I, and adds the absent brown haired son.

When I grew older I learned of my brother. The one who was plucked from my parents before I could remember, though I was there in the car.

Crash. My family's path and perspective changed in an instant. Robbed us. Still there in the yard is the wood pile David helped build when he was 3 years old.

***********************************************

Remote

Must be the brainchild of a devious man.
It has the power to light the room,
to turn on joy, sorrow and excitement.
To control the display that fascinates us all.
But why does it attempt
to escape duty?
Why hide among the cushions and blankets
to avoid purpose?
It has been cursed more than anything else
in the house.
It is a fickle, frustrating, fruitless device;
I cannot wait for it to become a fossil of our age.