original submitted play
Darla: WifeFrank: Husband
(Scene: Husband & Wife are sitting on their 35 ft sailing yacht, in the ocean off the coast of Mexico.)
The speakers' names and what they say are generally centered on the page; yours are left margin justified. Study my sample posted at the link called, Format: What a Script Looks Like.
Frank: Yeah, the storm really hit us by surprise this time. (he coils some broken lines, and settles in a seat next to Darla)
Darla? Are you paying attention? (darla stares out at the wide ocean, her eyes unfocused)
Honey, you need to snap out of it. We are okay, and we will make it. (darla continues to stare, Frank sighs deeply)
Alright, well I can’t make you help, but we need to get these sails back in order so we can travel back in. The motor got damaged somehow, so we are gonna have to use the sails.
(Darla shifts her seat, but continues to stare. Frank spends a minute moving debris around the deck of the yacht.)
Darla....honey...you need to wake up and help me. We have alot of work to do here.
(at last, Darla looks wearily over to her husband) <real and believable conflict established: good
Darla: Frank, I am not interested in helping you. I am brooding, and thinking about how much I hate that dog.
Frank: Captain? What did he ever do to you? Besides, he is way back in New Jersey and has nothing to do with this situation.
Darla:Ugh...(she sighs and turns back to staring at the ocean)
Frank: Whad I say wrong? (frank raises his hands, and when she does not respond he returns to his work straightening the deck, grumbling under his breath at her)
(After a moment, her eyes blazing, Darla stands up)
Darla: Frank! I did not sign up for this ridiculous adventure. How dare you expect me to help with this! My $200 shoes are completely ruined by this seawater! Not to mention all the clothes I have below deck!
Frank: Your $200 shoes! Is that whats bothering you? Look at this boat! I paid $200,000 for it, and its a disaster!
Darla: Don’t try and change the subject Frank. You know I didn’t want to come on this stupid boat trip. If it wasn’t for the dog annoying me so much, I probably would never have said yes.
Frank: Well excuse Captain for living! This trip was supposed to be good for our marriage, and it turns out, I should have brought him along!
Darla: Exactly right Frank...the dog is more fun than me. (now her eyes begin tearing up. Frank looks up angrily and then softens when he sees the tears)
Frank: Dearest...you know I didn’t mean that. <does F. really say Dearest? Feels wrong to me . . .
Darla: (crying) You did...the dog is more fun...this was supposed to be an adventure...and that storm ruined it. Now we are stranded in the ocean...nothing to do but die out here..
Frank:
Darla:You mean it Frank? We will be okay and make it back?
Frank: Of course. Look, here comes the Coast Guard now! (Frank points up)
Darla: We’re saved!
Frank: (to the coast guard, off stage) Hey watch it! This is an expensive boat. Give me that tow line! (a line flies in from off stage, Frank secures it to the front of the boat.
Darla: How long do you think it will take us to get back to shore?
Frank: (looks in the distance, considering) I’d say... maybe 10 minutes? We only got out here about a ¼ mile. Those other boats I see over there made it in pretty quick.
Darla: Oh thank goodness. I need to call home and tell the housekeeper that we are alright. We have spent nearly 4 hours on this awful boat! (the boat starts moving from the Coast Guard tow)
Frank: When you call her, ask her how Captain is doing. He was looking sad when we left.
Darla: (she frowns, hands on hips) I hate that dog.
Questions for the Playwright (Rewriting)
1.What did you like about your piece?
It seemed clever to me, the way I used the opening and closing lines of the play that were given to us. I also tried to build in humor relating to the absurdity of the couples situation, and the drama they are given to in their sheltered lives.
2. What’s the major conflict? How strong is it? - Conflict is between husband and wife over the dog, the boat, and the situation they find themselves in. It is not particularly strong conflict, especially since they are extremely shallow people.
3. What’s the dramatic action of the play? - The fact that they have just endured a storm, and are waiting to be rescued. This is laughed at in the end however because they are within sight of the harbor and many other boats.
4. Did anything confuse you about your play? - I did not understand the format, punctuation and appearance of a script.
5. What’s the most important image or moment to you in the piece? - The moment at which they confess they are only within the harbor, and not in any real danger whatsoever.
6. Did your characters all sound the same or like different people with distinct voices? They sounded similar. But hopefully through editing I can differentiate more.
7. What did each character want? - The wife wanted to get off the boat as soon as possible, and also to get rid of the dog. The husband was yearning for adventure, but had no one to share it with but his shallow wife. His dog was not there to share it with him.
8. Are they going after something that is critically important to them? - They are working on their marriage.
9. Were the stakes high enough? The stakes are not high at all, which makes it humorous.
10. What sections made you cringe? - The section where the wife breaks down in tears. It is not very believable.
11. Which ones surprised you? My clever use of the dog, and also the dogs name "Captain."
12. Explain what the play is about in one or two sentences. (The clearer you are, the clearer it will be in the play.) A husband and wife are trapped on an expensive sailing yacht in the harbor. After enduring a storm, they discuss their marriage, life and their dog.
13. Is there anything you’d like to see more of? (A more developed relationship? More specific
behavior from a character? Stronger needs?) I would like to develop the husbands character more. His needs for adventure, and how the dog is his partner in that back home.
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