Thursday, May 19, 2011

4 editing exercises from the journal

Exercise 4 - pg 212 magnifying conflict.
I wished to exaggerate the conflict at the end of the story to show the mortal fear that the prince overcomes in his desire to set right his kingdom.


He rode long and hard for many days until he came to a sign which read ENIAM. Realizing that he had somehow strayed far off the beaten track of civilization, he knew he must be near the right place. So he dismounted his steed and drew his sword called Epoh.
The silence of the wood of Eniam was eerie in the early morning light. The sun had only just begun to kiss the horizon, and the glow made the scene around him frightening. The Prince swallowed hard in the darkness. Wodahs shied and whinnied loudly at the surrounding forest. She had sensed the lurking presence of something in the dark forest. The Prince peered into the thick tangle of growth in the wood, and the very press of darkness surrounded him. At that moment a large dark shape could be seen admidst some of the branches, but in the blink of an eye the shape was gone again. Had Darhcir imagined it? Wodah whinnied harshly again, before stumbling backward, and then darting some ways up the road.
“Easy Wodah!” The Prince shouted after her. He did not want to be left here in the dark, without transport or companion. As he looked up the road towards his steed, he noticed the lithe black shape creeping from the edge of the road. The beared fangs glinted in that new light, and the breath caught in Drahcir's throat. He wanted to cry out and warn the now still horse, but he could not. A spell had settled over the road that he was loathe to break with his voice. The wolf crept agily towards the back of the unsuspecting steed, until at last a breath of wind reached the horse's nostrils and she sprang forward at the scent. The chase was on. Wodah flew up the road in a panic, her white mane streaming behind her as the wolf put on the full chase. The Prince started to run after the fleeing beasts but in moments he was out of sight, and a moment later he could no longer hear the pounding footsteps. He was now truly alone. Alone in what appeared the loneliest corner of the world.
After many minutes of straining with his ears and doubting with his senses, he was at last able to muster up enough strength to break the spell of silence. He shouted into the dark forest surrounding him.
Hear me Knight of Left to Right. I have come to challenge you in single combat, for the glory of the kingdom Suoegrog!” His voice echoed among the trees. Nearby a party of birds broke up at the sound and fluttered off into the trees. But the wood was silent again. Minutes passed before he once again had the courage to attempt the challenge a second time.
“Hear me Knight of Left to Right. I have come to challenge you in single combat, for the glory of the kingdom Suoegrog!”
This time the silence lasted only for a few moments. Then like from the bottom of a well, or the depth of the underworld came a voice. A deep menacing voice came from within the wood.
“Return to your castle knight of Suoegrog, for I have no need of your combat.”

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